Today I am going to share an excerpt out of my journal because I realized a few things today, that hadn’t sunk in before. I don’t usually share my journal with others, but in this case, I think it’s ok. 
I can see God working in me. I am still “becoming,” and I always will be, but I am seeing little changes here and there. Elisabeth Elliot writes of her friend Terri’s walk and one line struck me (well actually, several did). She writes, “She [Terri] could not do it [die to her self-life] by herself, but she could will to do it, and she could pray,” and “Grace enables us to do what we can’t do (A Path Through Suffering, pg 30).” I had read these lines before and had even underlined the second I quoted, but it only sank in this morning. I can’t do it on my own, but with God’s grace (and help) I can. I often try to do it all by myself (pride) because I don’t want to let go of my “self-life.” But I need to put my pride aside and I need to ask for help. I can’t let my pride get in the way of my relationship with God. I need to set it aside and accept God’s grace to get me through the difficult times.
See, I thought grace was a one-time gift that I received at salvation, but the reality is, grace is an on-going gift – one that God wants to give me every day, if I will let Him. Even though I accepted His grace at salvation, when I let my pride get in the way of God’s gift of grace, it’s like I am saying that His grace is not sufficient for me. I have been so wrong at times, and I had no idea that I was doing that until this very morning. There is something to be said for the timing of God because when I read this almost a year ago, I did not get it. But since then, God has obviously been working in me, because I see it now.
Now, it’s not that I never let God help me, or that I never accept His grace. It’s that I often let my pride get in the way of my relationship with God and my relationships with others. I get caught up in the details and forget to let God work. It all goes back to the control issue. I want to be in control, and the reality is, I don’t have control, God does. God knows what is going to happen and He has a “big picture plan” in mind, and my agenda does not change His plan. I have God’s grace at my disposal every day – now it’s time to take advantage of that.
I am so thankful that God never gives up on His children. I have an everlasting hope because God saved me. There is nothing that can happen to me that He cannot use for good and for His glory.
~Gabby
