Conversation With God

I had a conversation with God this morning.  It’s not the first one I’ve had…it’s just one of many.  But I felt compelled to share it this morning.

By definition, I am a hypocrite.  A hypocrite is defined by the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary as follows:1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion; 2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings”.  In point of fact, despite those who would argue otherwise, anyone who calls themselves a Christian is, in point of fact, a hypocrite.  Before you get upset, let me explain my meaning.  Even if we are not a hypocrite in the sense of the first definition – which I would hope most of us are not – we all are in the 2nd.  I do not know one single Christian who does not act in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.  And we are in good company.  Even the Apostle Paul said that he had problems in this area.  In Romans 7:18-19, Paul says,18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.”(NASB) (You may want to read the whole chapter in context, as well, because there is a lot more about this subject.) And look at Peter, who denied Christ 3 times, after stating he would DIE with Christ rather than deny him (Matthew 26:33, Matthew 26:69-75, John 18:17-27, Luke 22:31-62), yet deny him he did, along with all Christ’s other apostles.  So, I again submit, we are all hypocrites in some respect.

Now, I do have a reason for making this statement upfront.  It’s not to make anyone feel guilty or even that they are unworthy (though all of us are).  I started this blog by stating that I had a conversation with God this morning, and I felt compelled to share it.  See, I was struggling with a wrong I had committed – and struggling with the fact that I, too am a hypocrite – though I wasn’t really thinking in the terms of a hypocrite, rather just in the terms of being in the wrong.  And I asked God to forgive me and to help me.  And then I asked him how He could love someone like me.  I mean, I am a filthy, dirty, horrible human being.  Yes, I do good things sometimes, but I do wrong way more often.

And His response to me (and yes, I do believe He responded) was that He loved me because he created me.  So I went on to describe my “horribleness” and how much I fail.  And I said again, “HOW can you love ME???”  And He said, “I created you.  You are beautiful to me.  I sent MY SON to die for you because you were so beautiful to me, and I want you with me always.”  Imagine how humbling it is to realize that the God of the universe loves ME and thinks I am beautiful.  Me – the horrible, dirty, filthy hypocrite that I am.  God thinks I’m beautiful – and He loves me.

He told me that my sins have been forgiven by the blood of His Son…who died for me.  For my sins.  For my wrongs….and so now not only am I beautiful, but I am clean.  Yes, I should feel ashamed when I do wrong and I do need to repent when I do wrong and I do need to ask Him to forgive me when I do wrong – but I don’t need to LIVE in shame.  I don’t need to hate myself or beat myself up over it.  When I accepted Christ as my Savior, I gained not only a Savior, but an advocate who argues on my behalf – Jesus.  This knowledge is amazing and humbling and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Amazing – that God would even think about me – let alone love me.  Humbling – because I know I am undeserving.  Heartbreaking – because my Savior had to die, so that I could live.

And guess what!  God thinks you’re beautiful too.  He created You.  He loves you.  He wants you to be with Him.  He doesn’t want you to have to go through whatever it is you are going through alone.  He gave His Son freely – you don’t have to do some great thing to earn His love and Salvation – you just have to accept His free gift (Ephesians 2:8-9).  He’s not looking for you to be perfect – He knows that’s not going to happen.  He just wants you to come to Him – just as you are.  He can make you whole again.

So, that’s the conversation that I felt compelled to write about this morning.  I hope that it brings a measure of comfort to others and a measure of hope to others.

In Christ,

~~Gabby

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